Saturday, 18 January 2020

Why I Sometimes Don’t Say What I Feel Out Loud: My Internal Dialogue

6.1.2020


This is one of my self-imposed pieces of advice to myself: always keep up a running conversation with yourself. Not only does it entertain you and the hapless strangers you pass on the street, it also keeps you very self- aware.

My internal dialogue for a while now has been about the way I speak. I have been trying to understand why I voice certain things that I feel and why I don’t voice others. What is my screening process? How do I go about sifting through the hundreds of thoughts, ideas, opinions and judgements that spring up in my head, and selecting only a few to express?

Most importantly, what happens to all that goes unsaid?

I first noticed that a lot of my reactions to things I hear, see, or read about are spontaneous and immediate, and consequently very genuine. Then comes the screen test. However outspoken I am about the state of the country we are in, or the restrictions our society imposes on us, and how much I advocate free speech; I still sometimes hold back my thoughts out of fear of destabilizing otherwise smoothly progressing conversations, or shaking some age old dogma.

Do you find yourself relating to this? Now that I have spent some time observing this reaction to my own thoughts, I have concluded that what I feel may not be classified as fear, as I am not afraid of offending someone or anything like that.

I cannot find a single word to sum it up so I shall just call it a habit –which I’m aware, is a single word, but it is not the appropriate one.  I call this a ‘habit’ because of the conditioning we all have received, whether consciously or unconsciously. Despite coming from a liberal and understanding family such as mine, society’s imprint never fully went away, and in more situations than one I have found that it very unconsciously influences what I do or say.

Maybe I should have started with a relatable observation. I also hold back because I am afraid I may be laughed at or my opinion dismissed.
Is this again society’s doing? Sometimes we use the term ‘society’ very loosely.

This is not to say that I am not to blame for embarrassing myself on occasion. I am notorious for saying the wrong thing; this is the price you pay for being a chatterbox. I have not only touched upon the elephant in the room multiple times, I have dragged it out of its hiding place and escorted it to the centre with pomp and fanfare. This is not necessarily a bad thing.

Therefore, each time I successfully make my point, while knowing fully well that it may not be appreciated, I celebrate it. A tiny victory in the larger battleground of unsaid opinions.

But for both these reasons, I have realized that writing becomes all the more necessary for me to engage in, hopefully on a regular basis. As it not only is a form of catharsis, but also a platform I can use to ask questions about what I see and hear around me, and express thoughts I may (I said may. I’m trying, okay!) leave unsaid after all.

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