Why I talk like a Bullet Train: the guide to understanding the Navya mind.

22.12.2019

A tongue-in-cheek portrayal of me. Just putting this out there, so that those of you who read this don’t dread an encounter with me. This really isn’t me.

Another warning: the title is misleading. The question is never answered.

(In dialogue, like a real interview, because I like to flatter myself that somebody would really want to interview me)

.        .        .

Show title: How People Talk

Today’s guest on the show: Navya Iyer Kannan

Unsuspecting interviewer: So Navya, please tell us, what is your talking style?

Me: (already liking where this is going) I’d say I don’t have a particular style. It just adjusts itself according to the situation I am in. You know what I mean; when you are in a formal setting, you tend to wait for at least half the crowd to talk before you do, but when it is a one on one, you are a lot more talkative. Of course, again, it really depends on whom you are talking to, right? I mean, if it’s someone you know very well, it’s fine but if you don’t know the person, have never met him or her before; then you have to go a little easy on them, I guess? You wouldn’t want to scare them away, if you know what I mean.

Interviewer: (sweats, already regretting the interview) Yes, I sure do.

Me: Yes, well, you know how it is when you’re really into what you are saying, whether you are passionate about it or not; as long as you have an opinion- informed or otherwise- you can get extremely vehement and loud. This could really put people off you know, especially when you start talking so fast that it sounds like you are some kind of human bullet train. (picks up speed) People can’t understand you anymore, and they’ve also lost track of what you are saying because you’ve been going on for so long that they’ve forgotten the beginning.

Interviewer: Uh, so, coming to my next question-

Me: (totally oblivious) Undoubtedly the worst conversational insult would be to talk right over somebody, and not let them finish what they are saying. Now, that’s one thing that would definitely put someone off. (increases volume) That, and when you talk so loudly that they cannot even hear the thoughts in their own head. It’s like shooting arrows at someone, you know. Really loud, vehement arrows.  Awful. I’d never ever do that to anyone!”

Interviewer: Really? (very quickly) My next question is, do you think talkative people are-

Me: I disagree. I think talkative people are merely very enthusiastic and friendly, and are often misunderstood. They really mean no harm, you know. They never mean to be rude. What’s the harm in being talkative anyway? I mean, it’s not like you don’t let people finish their questions or anything. Now that would be rude.

Interviewer: Yes, and-

Me: Did you know some people think of me as a quiet, timid person?

Interviewer: (falls off his chair in shock) Really!

Me: I know. (nods) But I don’t mind, because I am not that much of a talkative person. I mean, I could really go on and on given the chance, but I really do think everyone should be allowed to express their opinions. That’s why I think you’re such a good interviewer. You ask all the right questions and make them open-ended so that one can really talk, you know. I think this is a great conversation.  Don’t you?

Interviewer: (splutters)

Me: (looking at him pityingly) You don’t talk much, do you?

                                               .

A couple of hours later…… after I (finally) leave

Some bewildered intern: Who was that?

Interviewer: (collapses on chair) Oh, you don’t want to know. (fans himself with shaking hand) I might need a stiff drink.

Me: (pops my head into the room) One other thing I forgot to mention-

Interviewer: (faints)

.        .        .

The End