5.5.2020
Within few hours of the hashtag #boyslockerroom going viral on
Twitter and Instagram, there were few people who posted stories supposedly
exposing one of the women who had posted about the group, Anuvaa, as having
made racist and homophobic comments on people as well as vulgar comments on
men. Several men started asking if this is what feminism means, to shame men
unabashedly but to blame men for doing the same.
Then the hashtag #girlslockerroom began trending, with people,
mostly men and boys, citing incidents of male harassment and asking if that was
okay and why no one was talking about it. Others were accusing women of posting
about this issue as a ploy to garner more Instagram followers.
Some other users pointed out that the people who rose quickly to
the defense of men and went from saying #NotAllMen to #NotOnlyMen, had stayed
silent when the atrocities of the boys’ locker room conversations were being
discussed online. They also questioned the fact that very few men compared to
women were seen speaking up against the issue.
Rape culture in India, where rape and sexual harassment are
normalized due to the country’s take on gender stereotypes and sexuality, has
been flourishing comfortably for several centuries.
Victim blaming, saying “she posted the picture so she must have
wanted the attention” and trivializing rape or abuse with the infamous “boys
will be boys” dismissal are only two of the many characteristics of rape
culture.
But when did using male harassment as retaliation to these or
indeed any allegations of female harassment become part of India’s already
thriving rape culture?
Why is there always the assumption that a woman speaks out about
abuse only for attention?
And why when a specific case of female harassment is being
discussed, the fact that men are harassed too, have to be brought up?
It probably is due to decadent gender roles present in society,
which have grown more rigid with time. The idea taught and re-taught is that the so-called fairer sex
is the weaker sex and that masculinity needs to be constantly proven by putting
the woman in her place, especially if she makes any effort to rise from her
society-given position.
For instance, the term “locker room talk” itself is problematic,
considering that it is used to describe sexual comments and jokes that men
supposedly make and take part in when alone together. The patriarchal idea that
a man has to be strong and unbreakable could be one more reason why many cases of
male harassment don’t see the light of day, as showing weakness is a sign of
femininity.
Also, with the advent of media, cinema and pop culture and the
reiteration of these ideas it offers, it has become far easier to justify and dismiss
violent or predatory behaviour towards women. Majority of Indian films portray
heroes stalking girls till they agree to go out with them, sometimes even after
they refuse. This, as we know, not only encourages boys to think stalking is
acceptable, but encourages girls to think being stalked is okay, that it is
just part of the courting ritual.
Some of the women who have tweeted about the boys' locker room
issue, say they are afraid that they may be raped or have acid thrown at them
for speaking publicly about this.
Yet one of the major complaints seems to be concerning male
victims not getting coverage and female abusers not facing fire.
What we must keep in mind is that going public about the
contents of that group chat and tweeting or posting against those boys or in
support of the women they objectified is not to trivialize male sexual
harassment or to say that women are incapable of abusing another.
If men also are abused, shouldn’t there be more support and
understanding from their part when a woman is on the receiving end? Why has it
become a sort of competition between the sexes?
Then the Internet saw a tidal wave of tweets and posts in
defense of the girls’ locker room, that it was staged. This was then followed
by the argument that if that was so, who can prove that the boys locker room
group was real? One of the boys was allegedly wrongly accused of being part of
this controversy, and committed suicide.
Feminists were accused of being man-haters; the Delhi Commission
for Women of being partial; and all men of being rapists. Threats were being
thrown around again and all sorts of allegations made. Social media was now
clearly divided: sexism, feminism and pseudo-feminism.
But when did this small-scale war between the sexes become the
priority?
It all boils down to patriarchal standards that Indian society
sees the need to uphold and maintain.
The fact that so many people instead of expressing outrage at
the shocking actions of teenage boys, either said not all men abuse women or
kept silent till a woman was exposed as being racist and homophobic, whereupon
they only focused on women who shame, only goes to show that even the rapidly
rising feminism is still no match for ingrained patriarchal perceptions and
behaviour.
The fact that some people thought it was okay for male
harassment to take place, and that female abusers don’t need to be punished
also goes to show that our very outdated perceptions of gender –that a man has
to remain strong while a woman is always weaker- have caused us to forget humanity,
in the need to maintain what has become a very unnecessary and oppressive
tradition.
The danger that stems from this sort of competition as it were,
is that in engaging with it, we deviate from the issues at hand: abuse, rape
and cyber harassment.
Bringing to light yet another case of cyber abuse directed at
women should not spiral into a tug of war, where it becomes about proving which
sex is wrong, but should see both men and women uniting against abusers
regardless of their gender.
